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Your Experience When You Go Out is Based on What You Focus on

Published by Stefan on February 22, 2009 in Articles, Dating & Relationships and Self Improvement. 1 Comment

This is something that I recently learned that really made sense to me.

When you go out, say to a nightclub, a party, or whatever it may be — your entire experience of that event is 100% based upon what you focus on.

There are only so many things we can consciously focus on at once.

For example, right now you’re probably not focusing on your heart beat, or the many sounds in the room that you’re in, or perhaps certain pain your body may be in (just recently had my wisdom teeth removed ;).  There are literally THOUSANDS of things you can focus on right now, besides reading this article on your computer (different objects in your environment, feelings, sounds, etc…).

In the same way, when you go out to a night club, there are thousands of things to focus on as well.

If you begin focusing on everyone sitting around, being bored, not having fun, the fact the club is empty, etc… then you’re going to leave that place and your experience of it was going to be “boring”.  

If you begin focusing on how much fun people are having, how great the music is, how there are so many cool things going on at once, how much fun you’re having, etc… then you’re going to leave that place and your experience may be “fun”.

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Deepak Chopra in Vancouver Review

Published by Stefan on February 21, 2009 in Articles and Reviews. 0 Comments

Last night, my partner Jason and I, attended Deepak Chopra in Vancouver.  We were supporters of the event, helping out with Seed Productions.

Now, to be perfectly honest with you, I haven’t heard any of Deepak’s stuff or read any of his books.  I know of him and heard of him through Anthony Robbins.  I’ve lately been slowly emerging myself into spirituality the last year.  

To date, I’ve attended Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra, had a radical Ayahuasca experience, been involved with a bit of WarriorSage’s stuff, read Eckhart Tolle, etc…  

The evening with Deepak Chopra was fantastic.  It was held at the Orpheum Theatre and was a packed audience.  In comparison with Wayne Dyer, who presented a few months earlier, I’m not sure who I favor more.  

Deepak’s presentation was easier to comprehend and understand (a rarity amongst spiritual teachers).  He spoke of the consciousness, and how everything (our entire experience of existence) is seen through the consciousness.  Nothing is necessarily real… it’s entirely based on what our consciousness is creating for us.

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Knowledge is not enough… Action is the Ultimate Power

Published by Stefan on February 19, 2009 in Articles, Motivation and Self Improvement. 1 Comment

This is something that took me a long time to understand.

I used to spend countless hours learning and gaining knowledge.   I thought more knowledge and information would make me more successful and happier.  Not the case.  Unfortunately, this is how most of society operates.

If this was the case, then everybody with a PHD would be successful.

What separates the most successful from the rest, is not that they’re more intelligent or smarter… it’s because they stepped up and took action!

Our ability to make decisions and take action is something that everyone is capable of.  You don’t need resources or money or more time than anyone else… all you need to do are take the actions necessary to get to where you want to be.

People think that you need to learn as much as possible about a subject before you take action on it — WRONG!  This is not the case… however, knowing a lot about it can help, it is also hindering you from achieving the success that you want.

Men think that learning as much as possible about meeting women and relationships is going to make them successful in this area… WRONG!  I can’t tell you how many guys I know that know so much about meeting women and all the theory and tactics… but still suck at it and can’t get a girlfriend if they wanted to.

We are not short of information.  The information is there and always will be.  We live in an information age.  What is lacking, is our ability to make decisions and take action towards our goals.  

Forget learning more… you know enough!  Don’t get caught up in the trap of constantly going to seminars, reading books, going to classes, etc… as long as it’s not holding you from acting on what you need to do.

Yes, I still see a ton of value in learning and reading and all that jazz.  In fact, I do that constantly.  However, it’s your ability to take what you learn and practice and apply it that will make you successful and achieve the goals that you want.

Ask yourself… what actions can you take today that will make you closer to achieving what you want?

It isn’t learning more about health and fitness… it’s going to the gym!

It isn’t learning more about meeting women and dating… it’s going out and approaching 12 women!

Hopefully this post will call some people to action!

Stefan
Executive Coach
Lifestyle Transformations 

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Forget Meeting Women… Go Out and Have Fun!

Published by Stefan on February 17, 2009 in Articles and Dating & Relationships. 0 Comments

This is an extremely counter-intuitive concept.

Most men when they go out, their focus is to go out and to meet women.  It’s pretty obvious.  They just attended an Introductory Seminar, Transformations Bootcamp or Live Workshop, and their all pumped up on their new skillset and new tools that they learned.  They call up their buddies from the event or meet them on the forum (http://forum.lifestyletransformations.com) and they’re good to go.

Maybe they do okay at first, but eventually things start to suck after a while of going out.  The results aren’t there anymore.

Many struggle between meeting women and having fun.  What’s the reason most people give you when they go out after an event?  To meet women.  It’s the focus of their attention.

Instead, this is the wrong way to go about it.  The moment you make your outcome to go out and meet women (or to “sarge” as some weird people like to call it), it’s over.  If you’re going out and you’re talking about how to meet women or these new ideas or concepts you learned on the internet, then the chances of you meeting women and having fun are slim to none. 

The only thing that talking about meeting women does is put you more and more inside of your head.  It makes you logical, attached a specific outcome (meeting a woman), and women can sense it. 

When this is your outcome and you drive home at the end of the night and are frustrated… it’s only because your outcome was to meet women and you didn’t reach that outcome.

Instead, if your outcome is just to have fun, you can drive home happy because you met that outcome.   You didn’t get any phone #’s or anything… but did you have fun?  Yes!  Then that was an awesome night.

NEVER should your expectation of having fun be directly related to whether or not you got results with women.  You don’t need anything external such as success with women to dictate how much fun you have… YOU decide and create how much fun you want to have in any given moment.

If you environment you go to sucks… then that should have nothing to do with the quality of how much fun you’re having in any given night.  The same goes if there are ZERO women around, if you’re out by yourself, or if you get blown out 100 times in an evening.

The way you can always tell when someone is focused on meeting women is when they’re out and they’re looking around for the next woman to approach, because they’re worried they will let one walk by.  This is being overly-attached to the idea of meeting women and is making you outcome dependent. 

Instead, when you’re out, focus on dancing, laughing, high fiving your buddy, talking to EVERYONE, doing silly and playful things, and entertaining and amusing yourself.  When you’re in this incredible state and you’re having fun and an attractive woman walks by… then by all means go and meet her!  But, it’s only when you’re having fun and enjoying yourself that you can create a fun vibe in someone else’s group.

It all starts with you.  Go out and have fun.  Make that your focus the entire night.  You may approach and meet less women in the process, but I can guarantee the quality of your interactions will skyrocket. 

Oh, and if you can’t go out and have fun without feeling the “need” to approach women, then there is something massively wrong.  As an experiment, I’d go out for a few nights and make a decision not to approach ANY women… but to instead just focus on having fun on your own or with friends for a few nights.  Once you have this down, add in approaching and meeting women into your night and watch what happens.

Stefan
Executive Coach
Lifestyle Transformations

P.S.  I know we haven’t posted here in a while.  That is hopefully about to change!  I just had my wisdom teeth removed and this has been a great opportunity for me to do some writing.

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My Journey & Transformation With Meeting Women & Life

Published by Sean on November 9, 2008 in Articles and Motivation. 1 Comment

My name is Sean and I used to be addicted to women.

The story begins 6 years ago when I was burned by two girlfriends in a row. I was dating them each for a year and both of them ended up cheating on me. I was motivated to improve myself and that is what lead me to finding the community. Even though I was a pretty cool guy in Highschool playing hockey and knowing the cool people, I never had that much success with girls and when I did get one they would fuck someone else!

I stumbled upon ASF and through the wingman meetup forum I was introduced to Stefan of Lifestyle Transformations. Stefan wanted to improve his life because he was lonely and tired of just playing video games and eating junk food.

When we met Stefan was shy, timid and quiet. He was the definition of a geek. When I met him I was thinking “I’m going to learn how to pickup women with this guy?” He introduced me to Cheyenne, John, Scott and a few others. Together we got the Vancouver Lair started with another guy by the name of Ron. We decided to go our separate ways from Ron to focus on improving ourselves.

We went out 6 and sometimes 7 nights a week. The beginning was rough. We couldn’t even ask an ugly girl on the street for directions or the weather. We spent 10 hours a day in malls, on the street, in coffee shops, in nightclubs all ‘peacocked’ out. We would talk to hundreds of people per day. We did this for 6 months straight. No rest for the weak!

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The Natural’s Manifesto

Published by John on October 24, 2008 in Articles and Dating & Relationships. 4 Comments

There’s this ridiculous notion that people who learn about dating are somehow socially deficient, that they’re awkward in conversations, or have some horrible insecurity and are unable to talk to women without other people’s help. I’ve always found this concept ridiculous, since most of the students I meet are hundreds of times more charming than the rest of the population.

I’ll use myself as example— I can’t tell you how many women I’ve been with, felt deeply for, or dated (I’ve never bothered to count, suffice to say it’s several digits long)—but I’ve got a couple shoeboxes full of pictures, love letters, and other memorabilia to remind me of the impact they’ve had on my life. In a word, I’m a natural—a man who seems blessed by the gods to be with women; but don’t let the appearances fool you, being a natural has everything to do with education, I’ve never stopped studying women since I realized the power one can have over them.

My first encounter with women is at age 6, when I was called into the principle’s office after a playground fight between two girls broke out over who should be my girlfriend.

“That’s stupid”, I said to my bewildered principle, “why can’t they both be my girlfriend?” (I’ve carried that belief with me ever since.)

Throughout high school, a reputation of charm seemed to follow me everywhere. In 8th grade, after a particularly famous break-up with a cute Asian girl named Vivian, a gorgeous blond girl named Tiffany invited me to her place so she could console my grief. As we made out in front of her door, her brunette friend, Jill, came by and joined in on the fun. My first PG-rated threesome, I suppose. The next day, the school’s basketball star came by to pick a fight with me after hearing the story—apparently he’s been trying to get her on a date for the past year. Come to think of it, every fight I’ve gotten into with other guys since then have been over girls, and I have yet to walk away without the girls in question on my arm.

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The Secret to IBM’s Success

Published by Stefan on September 17, 2008 in Articles and Miscellaneous. 1 Comment

In the popular business book The E-Myth, Michael Gerber shares a passage by Tom Watson, the founder of IBM, after being asked what attributed to the success of IBM. 

Here is what Tom Watson said:

IBM is what it is today for three special reasons.  The first reason is that, at the very beginning, I had a very clear picture of what the company would look like when it was finally done.  You might say I had a model in my mind of what it would look like when the dream — my vision — was in place.

The second reason was that once I had that picture, I then asked myself how a company which looked like that would have to act.  I then created a picture of how IBM would act when it was finally done.

The third reason IBM has been so successful was that once I had a picture of how IBM would look when the dream was in place and how such a company would have to act, I then realized that, unless we began to act that way from the very beginning, we would never get there.

In other words, I realized that for IBM to become a great company it would have to act like a great company long before it ever became one.

From the very outset, IBM was fashioned after the template of my vision.  And each and every day we attempted to model the company after that template.  At the end of each day, we asked ourselves how well we did, discovered the disparity between where we were and where we had committed ourselves to be, and, at the start of the following day, set out to make up for the difference.

Every day at IBM was a day devoted to business development, not doing business.

We didn’t do business at IBM, we built one.

I got a lot of value reading about Tom Watson’s secret to IBM’s success.  I hope you did too.

Stefan
Executive Coach
Lifestyle Transformations

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The One Minute Manager by Ken Blanchard & Spencer Johnson Review

Published by Stefan on September 2, 2008 in Articles and Reviews. 2 Comments

I’ve been hammering through books like no tomorrow lately.

Up for review is The One Minute Manager by Ken Blanchard and Spencer Johnson.  Incredible book.  A total MUST for any business owner who works with a team or with a group of people.

What was a defining factor in buying this book is how successful it’s been and how it’s contributed to many well-known businesses and organizations around the world.  Apple, Chevron, AT&T, Wal-Mart, Holiday Inns, Hewlett-Packard, Pepsi-Cola, KFC, Harvard University, US Army, Navy & Air Force, etc, etc…

If this little book has contributed to the successes of all these amazing organizations, then something is up.  I wanted to find out what that is and I did.

The essence of the book is based on “People Who Feel Good About Themselves Produce Results.”

When do you work your best?  It’s when you feel good about yourself.

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Ayahuasca — Spirit Medicine

Published by Stefan on August 29, 2008 in Articles, Miscellaneous and Self Improvement. 6 Comments

The other day I had an intense experience.

My friend and life coach invited me to a spiritual ceremony that was taking place here in Vancouver, which I decided to check out.  A shaman from Peru by the name Diego was in town for a few days hosting this event.

The ceremony was based around the use of a ancient medicine called “Ayahuasca”, also known as the “teacher plant”, which has been used for thousands of years by the indigenous people of the Amazon for holistic healing, empowerment, and spiritual insight.

An active ingredient of the Ayahuasca brew is DMT, which is naturally produced in the human brain, known for causing psychological and neurological states.  DMT is believed to play a role in the visual effects of natural dreaming, and also near-death experiences and other mystical states.

And so the purpose of Ayahuasca is to induce you into a full state of consciousness — a state where you lose total control, and every fear, insecurity, and your “inner demons” arise.

The experience can be so intense, as a lot of childhood traumas and past experiences which have been suppressed for years come up and you’re faced to confront them.  The process of “letting go” and surrendering to what you’re facing has been proven to be transformative. 

The taking of Ayahuasca has been associated with the cures of depression, addictions, cancers, and is known for many other spontaneous remissions.  For others, it is used to clear emotional blocks and to gain a sense of peace.

It is said that many notable celebrities have publicly discussed their use of Ayahuasca, such as Sting, Tori Amos, and Paul Simon.

For myself, I don’t have anything serious going on in my life or anything needing to “cure.”  My intent with Ayahuasca was to destroy any fear, anxiety or limitations that have been holding me back — and to take the level of love I have for myself and others to another level.  And in my ceremony, I feel I accomplished that.

The experience I went through is impossible to describe.

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Be The Shiny Man

Published by Cheyenne on August 21, 2008 in Articles, Dating & Relationships and Self Improvement. 1 Comment

I am about to share with you a universal truth, the content of which will skyrocket your level of attractiveness.

Ready? Women love shiny things.

From a very early age women are conditioned to be drawn to things that are sparkly and shiny: lip gloss, glitter, diamonds. An ad I saw not to long ago on TV sums it up nicely: “Diamonds – they take a woman’s breath away. Not sometimes, but always.”

I call that breath-taking moment, where everything else fades away and the woman is completely tuned in, the “Oooo Shiny Moment”.

Instead of going into a long thing, let me cut to the chase: You need to BE THE SHINY MAN.

http://www.floridamarine.org/images/articles/2513/2513_5102.gif

The woman of your dreams could be out during the day shopping, running errands, on the phone, and then you roll up – Oooo Shiny Moment.

Or she could be out at the nightclub, loud music, lights, surrounded by a barrage of guys, and then she sees you – Oooo Shiny Moment.

Let me explain what this looks like in practice. Imagine any public gathering. In the distance you see a man. He’s having a blast. People around him are having a blast. In his eyes you see the sparkle that comes from knowing exactly what kind of woman he wants, and what he has to offer to create relationships that are mutually fulfilling. As you keep watching him, you notice he loves challenges – Whether its pushing to make the ordinary extraordinary, or rolling up to a girl surrounded by 12 unusually oversized men, he’s the man to do it.

1) The Word “Be”
If think you can trick or fool a woman by ‘doing’ a series of things, you’re dead wrong. You have to eat, breath, sleep the essence of what it means to be the shiny man. With that goes a laundry-list of bullet-proof beliefs and attitudes.

2) The Word “The”
This is your reality and world. You are the one, the only, Shiny Man.

3) The Word “Shiny”
You’re letting your gut-level honesty shine, and your sense of fun and creativity, and your love of people and women shine.

4) The Word “Man”
I didn’t say entertainer, who looks for a reaction. I also didn’t say boy, who hides behind excuses and stories. But a MAN. All the fun, energy, creativity comes from a place of being firmly grounded in who he is.

People often mistake being The Shiny Man with being high-energy… Nothing could be farther from the truth. You can be the shiny man, have fun, and when you roll up to that woman of your dream be very calm and relaxed, look her straight in the eye. You know you’re the man, and you’re letting every part of the REAL YOU shine. She will feel it. And just like a deer staring straight into the headlights, she won’t be able to look away.

Cheyenne
Executive Coach
Lifestyle Transformations

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