This is an extremely counter-intuitive concept.
Most men when they go out, their focus is to go out and to meet women. It’s pretty obvious. They just attended an Introductory Seminar, Transformations Bootcamp or Live Workshop, and their all pumped up on their new skillset and new tools that they learned. They call up their buddies from the event or meet them on the forum (http://forum.lifestyletransformations.com) and they’re good to go.
Maybe they do okay at first, but eventually things start to suck after a while of going out. The results aren’t there anymore.
Many struggle between meeting women and having fun. What’s the reason most people give you when they go out after an event? To meet women. It’s the focus of their attention.
Instead, this is the wrong way to go about it. The moment you make your outcome to go out and meet women (or to “sarge” as some weird people like to call it), it’s over. If you’re going out and you’re talking about how to meet women or these new ideas or concepts you learned on the internet, then the chances of you meeting women and having fun are slim to none.
The only thing that talking about meeting women does is put you more and more inside of your head. It makes you logical, attached a specific outcome (meeting a woman), and women can sense it.
When this is your outcome and you drive home at the end of the night and are frustrated… it’s only because your outcome was to meet women and you didn’t reach that outcome.
Instead, if your outcome is just to have fun, you can drive home happy because you met that outcome. You didn’t get any phone #’s or anything… but did you have fun? Yes! Then that was an awesome night.
NEVER should your expectation of having fun be directly related to whether or not you got results with women. You don’t need anything external such as success with women to dictate how much fun you have… YOU decide and create how much fun you want to have in any given moment.
If you environment you go to sucks… then that should have nothing to do with the quality of how much fun you’re having in any given night. The same goes if there are ZERO women around, if you’re out by yourself, or if you get blown out 100 times in an evening.
The way you can always tell when someone is focused on meeting women is when they’re out and they’re looking around for the next woman to approach, because they’re worried they will let one walk by. This is being overly-attached to the idea of meeting women and is making you outcome dependent.
Instead, when you’re out, focus on dancing, laughing, high fiving your buddy, talking to EVERYONE, doing silly and playful things, and entertaining and amusing yourself. When you’re in this incredible state and you’re having fun and an attractive woman walks by… then by all means go and meet her! But, it’s only when you’re having fun and enjoying yourself that you can create a fun vibe in someone else’s group.
It all starts with you. Go out and have fun. Make that your focus the entire night. You may approach and meet less women in the process, but I can guarantee the quality of your interactions will skyrocket.
Oh, and if you can’t go out and have fun without feeling the “need” to approach women, then there is something massively wrong. As an experiment, I’d go out for a few nights and make a decision not to approach ANY women… but to instead just focus on having fun on your own or with friends for a few nights. Once you have this down, add in approaching and meeting women into your night and watch what happens.
Stefan
Executive Coach
Lifestyle Transformations
P.S. I know we haven’t posted here in a while. That is hopefully about to change! I just had my wisdom teeth removed and this has been a great opportunity for me to do some writing.
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